Category: Jason’s Jabber

Okay,  I’ve tried to think about the things that I could post that you might find interesting..  and honestly, I know most of you are really here to read about the kids, Steven and Maria.  I guess what I have come up with is that I can try and interest you by bringing you along side some of my foolish and stupid mistakes.  I will call these segments…  “Foot in Mouth:  True Stories”

These will true stories about me… that are incredibly awkward or stupid.

A few months ago, I was late for work, and I was eating the fruit out of my lunch as I did 90 down the highway.  The fruit Sarah packs me is breakfast, and the meat and veggies are lunch.  I got into the elevator and pressed 9 and reached down to take another bite out of my apple.  I noticed that the sticker was still on the side, but because my hands were full (one with apple, other with laptop)  I made a note of it and told myself to take it off when I get into the office.  I walk down the hall, talk to a co-worker, put my stuff down on the desk, and get confronted with a peer about work put on hold from yesterday.  While he told me about what needed to get done that day, I started to munch on the apple between sentences again.   At the end of the conversation, the co-worker says to me,  “Have you ever accidentally ate the sticker off of an apple?”

I was taken a back a little bit, and having been confronted about a work error, and then asked about a mindless act such as taking a bite out of an apple…  I replied, “Not that I know of, why?”

He simply replied, “Just wondering.” and left the room to go back to his desk.

I was a little confused and looked down at the apple… checked every side.

No sticker.

True Story.

The Twilight Before Christmas from The Juice Box on Take180.com

Or this one:

Dispatcher: Clark County 911

Mary Strey: Somebody’s really drunk driving down Granton Road…

Dispatcher: …Which way are they going?

Mary Strey: They are going, um…

Dispatcher: Towards Granton or towards Neillsville?

Mary Strey: Towards Granton

Dispatcher: Okay are you behind them, or…

Mary Strey: No, I am them

Dispatcher: You am them?

Mary Strey: Yes, I am them

Dispatcher: Okay, so you want to call and report that you’re driving drunk?

Mary Strey: Yes

Amazing.

Yesterday, I watched G.I. Joe the Movie.   I have one really good thing to say about this experience.   I didn’t give any of my money to do it.  This movie was atrocious.  It only vaguely resembled my childhood cartoon and worst of all they lied to all of us.  For those of you who don’t know, shame on you if you don’t, G.I. Joe is supposed to end with “American Hero”.  About a year ago it leaked out that the “American Heroes” would be working for the U.N. instead of for the United States, and fans went CRAZY (Crazy bad, not crazy good).  The producers of the movie promised us that they would fix this issue during production and we could go to sleep safe with our heroes back on our side.   They FREAKING LIED!  They stopped calling it a U.N. Force, but it was then called a ‘Global Task Force’.    Bull  Mother Freaking Crap!  Give me back my SGT Slaughter and my American guys.  I’m so sick and tired of Hollywood’s left leaning crap about how America is the bad guys in the world now.  If you are going to screw it up, don’t make the movie.

Steven and Everybody.   If you haven’t seen the 6th episode of Season 2  of “Castle”…  Stop reading my post and go watch at least the first 5 minutes of the episode… you are going to LOVE what happens.. LOL

Dollhouse is getting better.

Terminator got canceled… 🙁

I wonder if there would be any money in a firefly II (series or movie)  probably not…

Okay, I’m done.

Dear America,

If you drive a car… but you don’t know how to:

Put Gas in it
Put Air in the tires
Change a tire
Check the Fluids (and know all the fluids to check)

Sell it, and buy a bike. You have no buisness driving a car if you don’t know how to maintain it. That is DIFFERENT from being too lazy to maintain it.

That’s it… no more soapbox…

Yes,  Congrats everyone!  Obama was nominated 2 weeks into his office as president to receive a Nobel Peace Prize!  Obviously America should be thrilled to have their 3rd standing president to…  wait.. a Nobel Peace Prize?!  WHY?  Last I checked, we were still in a war in Iraq and Afghanistan.   He has talked about de-nuking the world, but talking about it and getting anything done… two completely different things.  Sure, he stopped the water-boarding in Gitmo, but does that really merit a Nobel Peace Prize?  I’m not even going to include ‘climate change’ or ‘global warming’ as ‘peace prize potential’.  What is going on?!

After Al Gore and Barrack Obama…  I think we can safely say that the Nobel Peace Prize can be renamed and discarded.

Okay,  Well it’s been another late night studying and I decided to reward myself with starting a new series to keep track of.  Over the last couple of years I have been very impressed with pretty much every show I’ve watched that came out on Fox and so I decided to have a shot at Fox’s new hit Glee.  Wow,  what an amazing show… and what an amazing disappointment.   The music is top notch, the acting… decent.   But let me tell you what I can’t stand.   I absolutely hate that every ‘Christian’ shown in entertainment is either 1. a nutbag or 2. an ignorant hypocrite.    So… let me give you the layout of things that bugged me in this show:

The main Beau’s destined to be with the main female singer but he yet to realize his relationship with the ‘queen of celibacy’ (said with great hate by the main girl)  is doomed.  They flash to a makeout session with the main Beau making out and petting with this cheerleader under a picture of Jesus…  the boy grabs her butt.. she gets a naughty look on her face… and then she sits up and says.. “we must pray”  Then puts her hands together like we teach our 4 years olds to.. or like Jeanie was about to appear and grant Major Anthony Nelson a wish that will eventually blow up in his face.

There is a growing relationship coming from a school counselor who is seriously trying to get with the teacher running the Glee club.  They of course paint his marriage as something not worth saving, and teachers as underpaid public servants and the true salvation of the planet.  And for the people who want to send me hate mail on that last tidbit:  I’m majoring in History and minoring in Education..  Guess what I’m going to be doing for the rest of my career…

In short:  I don’t understand why no one can latch on and have a REAL Christian on a tv show.  There is plenty of conflict they could throw in there without making all of the religious right look like losers, idiots, or judgmental hypocrites…

Scaled 1 to 10:  Glee is a 4

(Edited after watching another episode)

Episode 2 has a dramatic moment where these kids are part of the “celibacy club” ??  They were… grinding on each other through balloons or something?  If the balloons were to pop the sound makes the angels cry??  Yeah… so then the main glee girl gets to give her 30 second planned parenthood speech about how celibacy has been ‘proven’ not to work and the only way to really deal with sex is to just be ‘prepared’ for when it happens… because  (and this is a quote)  “. . . Celibacy doesn’t work in highschools… Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. . .”    Yeah…  So I guess we’re all just crazy animals that can’t stop ourselves…  Yeah

Scaled 1 to 10: Glee is a 1

I won’t be watching any more of this crap, I hope you don’t either.

I have to tell you guys about an my latest band obsession.. This is really rediculous, but I am in LOVE with the music of “Sleeperstar“.  Those of you who know my earlier obsession with music in general have probably heard the name of the band “Barefoot”.  Well several members of Barefoot felt the need to follow their God into fulltime ministry and give up their 5 year music careers JUST as they were about to make it.  The song “Rain” by Barefoot actually aired on MTV about a month before they gave their farewell concert.  About two months later the remaining members of Barefoot joined up with the Sleeping Giants (?)  and formed a new band called SLEEPERSTAR!!  Chris Pearson (the lead singer)  actually is a good friend of Chris Rice, a popular Christian artist, and has even played with him on stage.   I have watched every video on Youtube about Barefoot/Sleeperstar, and I feel as if I am VERY emotionally invested in them.  Their small time status makes me feel like they should know that I am one of their biggest fans… but alas they do not.  I say this knowing how pathetic it is to be so head over heels at my age, but I will say it anyway.  Had I the money,  I would totally becoming a roadie/groupie (minus that whole sleeping with the band part) and follow them around from concert to concert.

I say all this to tell you to come be obsessed WITH ME!!  here’s a video:

that “live” recording isn’t really that good, but a better “Song quality” is this one:

As my birthday approaches,  I would note that typicaly I never mention my birthday to test and see who would remember and who wouldn’t,  I would GLADLY take my gifts from all of you to be the receipts of YOU going to go buy their album on itunes for yourselves.  A great early Christmas present would be for you to make a video of you singing along and acting the fool while enjoying their music.  AND I EXTEND AN OPEN INVITATION  to share my home and I’ll buy your way into the concert I am going to in Rockwall, Tx on OCT 24th**.   Please share in my obsession, and if you have the resources and the lack of responsibilities live my Ambition of Nothingness and follow them around and enjoying their music (take photos and videos for me too!)!

** Sharing of home offer is only good during the weekend of Oct 24th, and offerer has rights and ability to veto based on personal knowledge of person or lack-therof**

Well, people. I just recently went to the Va for a check up and to get a referall for my ears. While I was there I had to do the basic check up of blood pressure… temperature… cholesterol (how ever you spell that) and of course… weight. It is pretty obvious to all that I have put on substantial weight since I left the Marine Corps in May of 2008. I think I clocked out of the USMC at 235 lbs, which is 10 lbs overweight by their standards. I got married that same month and begun a life of absolute laziness. On Thursday of last week, I weighed 293 lbs according to their scale. That’s about 60 lbs in 1 year and 3 months. OBVIOUSLY their scale is off by about 40 lbs… yeah… right… but I vowed to never hit 300. Sarah and I committed ourselves to an exercise plan and have been pretty good about sticking too it. We have run somewhere between a mile and a mile and a half for about a month now. I don’t have a scale to weight myself (that.. and I don’t think I’ve made any progress), but I had felt pretty good about my ability to endure running for longer and longer periods of time. Today, I had the opportunity to go running alone, and I decided to really try and break the sound barrier (hyperbole…). I felt like I did a pretty good job, about 2 miles in probably 18 or 19 minutes… ( Keeping in mind that I used to do 3 miles in that span of time). When I got into the house, I came in praising my dachshunds ability to run. Abby, the dachshund in question, is an amazing runner. She just runs and runs and she practicly pulls me along.

I will deviate for a moment to discuss some backstory I may have never told you. People in the military frequently get kicked out of bootcamp for a body condition known as ‘shin splints’. I would dare say it is probably the #2 way people get out medically (I”m guessing #1 is claiming to be suicidal). It is pretty well ribbed among those who make it out to their first duty station that ‘shin splints’ is a whiners way out of the Corps. In all my years of running in the Marines I always rolled my eyes at guys who would fall out of runs due to shin splints. Some part of my inner being would almost judge them instantly as ‘wussies’ who just needed to get over it. In my defense, I believe I once had shin splints, though they were a minor annoyance, and I just kinda limped for a few hours before I went about my day. I think you might see where this is going.

So as I walk in, singing the praises of a weinie dog who put me to shame, an overwhelming pain in my shins hit my legs really hard. I kinda waddled for a minute, but eventually I had to collapse onto the floor. My legs would support my body no more. I am officially a whiner.. I’m one of THOSE people who have too much weight for their body to adequately use it the way it is supposed to be used… I’m really in a ton of pain…

I took some tylenol, and I think i’m going to take the day off tomorrow. I may walk for a few days (at a Speedy Gonzales’ Grannie’s pace), but I’m not giving up. My goal.. and I set it broadly before all who choose to read this blog… (which based upon how many people comment on my posts.. is.. Steven and Maria…) I want to be 270 lbs by Christmas. This whiner wants his shins to stop hurting.. Anyone want to join me in my quest for unwhinerhood?