Category: Jason’s Jabber

Phantom Invasions

There aren’t many things that can really cause my heart to skip a beat, but unfortunately the idea of someone invading my home is one of them.  I’m not necessarily scared of the dark, but I am quite frightened by those who could be hiding inside of it.  Today our home was invaded, and it’s presence has me frazzled even now.

Once a year Holtville holds a parade that goes down the center of town.  Most of the local buisnesses build floats and participate in hopes of winning prizes and showing their creativity to the community (free publicity).  Sarah’s school is putting together a float, and Sarah and I were busy working on it for most of the evening.  When we got home I had to clean up a pee mess in the bathroom (our dumb dogs like to pee RIGHT when we get to the door) and then we went to go watch our episodes of Lost. 

Between episodes the dogs (now in the hallway) start barking uncontrollably.  About two months ago they discovered they were territorial… wow… bark city everytime a car passes the house.  I tune them out frequently now, but Sarah is pretty atune to what is going on with them.  They had been barking for nearly a minute and a half and Sarah got a little concerned.  They normally bark at the front of the house (the big glass door), but this time they were barking near the back door (which is RIGHT outside our closed bedroom door). 

Sarah turns to me and says, “They have been barking for way too long.. and RIGHT outside in the hallway.”

I, clueless as always, poke my head up and start to listen, and she was right.  They were barking at something in the hallway or outside the back door.  I am pretty calm, but start to get a little curious.

Sarah says, “Someone could be in the house..”  She is half pulling my leg and half serious though.

I drop off the bed and get onto all fours.  You see our bedroom door is on ‘crooked’ and the bottom of the door is nearly 1 1/2 inches from the floor.  I put my eye to floor and peer into the hallway.  My heart drops into my big toe and the blood completely drains from my face.  I can clearly see my dogs barking at THIS door five feet away and a pair of shoes about 6 inches away from the door facing the dogs. 

I panic for about 4 seconds.  All I can think about is calling 911 and how stupid I am for not installing a privacy lock on the door to our bedroom.  About a million things pass through my mind before I realize what it was that I had missed in the first seconds of looking. 

I started to laugh and then told Sarah how scared I had been.  I made her get on her hands and knees and look as well.  She started to laugh too.

Earlier when I cleaned up the pee in the bathroom I had taken my shoes off in the hallway.  The pair of shoes I was looking at, were my own.  So that is the story about fear invading my home, and making my heart (and my eyes) do a double take before allowing me to move back to my daily life.

Things I Never Want to Hear Again

Listen… WORLD.  (not necessarily the people reading this)

STOP TELLING LIES:

the Mormon church does NOT own Dr.Pepper.. Pepsi.. or any other type of caffinated beverage company..  they did not recant their SUGGESTED (not MANDATORY) no caffiene policy due to the revinues to be made from owning said soda company.   It didn’t happen… stop talking about it. 

bp was not behind the 9/11 attacks, and neither was George Bush. 

Darwin did not recant his theories on his death bed.  (And he’s probably in hell)

 NASA scients never found a ‘lost day’ in time and rooted it back to the old testament of The Bible.

John Wayne was not brought to Jesus because of an evangelist’s crippled daughter.

Sarah Palin did NOT flip off a little boy.. nor did ‘Piper Palin’

Microsoft is NOT giving away it’s money, neither is AOL or Bill Gates himself.  Pushing “Forward” is only making yourself part of the problem.

Billy Graham did not stop a revival in the middle of a sermon and swarm the streets to evangelize <insert sinful city here>

Obama’s campaign was not funded by rich ‘foreign financiers’.  It was the dumb people who live next door. 

No ‘Recent study’ proved that George Bush had the lowest IQ of all presidents ever… or in the last 25.. 50.. <insert number of years> 

Nor did he refuse to sell his home to black people.

And Nostradamus didn’t predict George Bush in any way, even if you do want to call him the village idiot.

Dunkin Donuts didn’t deny troops their donuts because of the war in Iraq.

Obama wasn’t sworn into office on the Quran.

let me say this one one more time:
Obama’s campaign was not funded by rich ‘foreign financiers’.  It was the DUMB PEOPLE HERE IN AMERICA. 

 

SO STOP SENDING ME STUPID FORWARDS ABOUT STUPH THAT NEVER HAPPENED.

 

or maybe i should just stop opening them… 

 

either way.

These people walk among us…

This should also be labeled.. My English Professor episode II.

Things aren’t getting any better in his class… lol he’s… something else.  Friday in class he decided to give us examples of ‘adages’

 

An adage, for anyone who is confused, is  well known saying such as:

the biggest wagon is the emptiest,
don’t bite the hand that feeds you
an early bird gets the worm

Okay now that we are all on the same page…

The example that he gives us it this… 

and no i’m not making this up it went EXACTLY like this:

Don’t marry the girl if you can milk the cow through the fence..

 

I died laughing and the whole class looked at me like ——–> I <———- was the stupid one.

Satanicity 101 a.k.a. English 101

So because of biting off more than I could chew last semester I ended up dropping English 101.  My professor then was a little, old white guy who knew EVERYTHING about English, and was a very entertaining speaker speaker to boot.  Unfortunately for me,  he also had very, very high expectations out of his students.  I was spending nearly 12 hours a week on his class alone :-(.  Having to choose between C’s in all my classes (Including English), or A’s and B’s in all my classes while making English 101 up another semester… I ended up taking English 101 in the Winter semester. 

So yesterday I found myself face to face with the ‘easiest’ professor according to ratemyprofessor.com.  I was amazed at this guy with this white man and his half beard and nasal voice.  He’s funny, and very self involved.. but a great entertainer over all. 

After sitting through 2 of his classes I thought I’d mention a few things I’ve picked up from him over the 4 hours I’ve been around him:

writing is apparently spelled writting in his class
he once referred to an abusee who wouldn’t leave the abuser and said, “Even as things got worser and worser she wouldn’t leave him…”

He wrote every nite on the board.. refering to the (night) i’m used to.. I guess the gh gets lost somewhere…

He has dropped the S word the F word and the D word.. immediately following with profuse apologies..

And he speaks Spanish to help Explain English to some of the students.. (wow.. good job on learning spanish ((he is Caucasion)) but should we really be encouraging this?)

so… take that as you want it.  Just figured you MIGHT get a kick out of it like I have.