The Senselessness of Faithlessness

I have been blessed with an incredible number of spiritual experiences in my life, and yet I am utterly faithless. I don’t understand why. I truly want to believe. I have often said that if there were an “I believe” button next to me, one that would clear all doubts and grant me faith, even a blind faith, I would push it and push it and push it. I receive answers to prayers. I sometimes make choices based on promptings, and things go well, and I say it was a wise choice I came up with, and perhaps more often I ignore promptings and say my choice really didn’t change much if things go against me.

Today I took my truck into Midas. It had a serious oil leak, and I was putting a quart in it a week. Also, it shook and rattled until you wanted to cut out your own kidneys, and squealed enough to make you want to cut off your ears. The air conditioning was sporadic. It was just on its last legs. Midas told me that I had a couple options. I could leave it as is, and get another several thousand miles out of it, perhaps as many as twenty thousand on the high end. Or I could replace a specific part on the front. If I replaced that part, it would give me a fifty fifty chance of fixing the vehicle, but if it wasn’t that part, but a part behind it, that they couldn’t see, then I would require an engine replacement. That simply wouldn’t happen because the money just isn’t there for an engine replacement. Here is the kicker: if they took off part one on the front, they probably would never be able to get it back on if the problem was actually in the rear, and the truck would never move without a new engine.

I didn’t know what to do. I prayed for guidance, and received a very clear prompting to have the front piece removed and replaced, and not to worry about it might ruining the truck. Sure enough, the cheap and easy replacement fixed the vehicle, shaking, a/c and oil problems! And yet I wasn’t even home from Midas and was already doubting the inspiration. That was just myself, my brain, making the best of a horrible situation and gambling for the best result, or so I tell myself now. How can I remember as strong a prompting as I suspect happens shy only of visitation, and yet doubt so consistently?

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