Confessions huh

Well I thought about it and I’ve written most of my confessions on my blog already. Yep, just checked, go back to February 2008 to read Super Woman Confessions and Super Mom Confessions (and then here and there they’re sprawled out). But here’s another one I suppose. I am constantly scared I am making all the wrong parenting decisions. Steven says I worry too much. But I honestly worry I am screwing my kids up for the rest of their life. And I’m not secure enough in my standings as a mother to kid that the things I do are just “ammo for their therapist.”

You make decisions and then you work with them and try (try being a very key word) to be consistent (because all the books say you at a very minimum better be consistent), but it’s totally trial and error and I have no idea what the end result will look like. And then, how much of the end result is because of things I did and how much of it is their personality?

And if that doesn’t work (the confession part), how about this? On Friday (when I was so freakin’ stoned on narcotics and still in massive amounts of pain I couldn’t think straight) I left the children’s tylenol down on the counter (which I’ve been taking around the clock and I’ve gone through 5 bottles of so far). Steven went into the bathroom a couple hours later to find an empty bottle of tylenol. [Tangent-I’ve had several kid’s who have overdosed on tylenol that have lost their livers, I was scared spitless at this point] We don’t know which child drank the rest of the tylenol. Our guess is there was about 30ml left. We called poison control, actually Steven did while I sobbed again. Steven weighed both of them, they did the calculations for 40ml (which is 8x the recommended dosage for Felicity). Apparently at that dosage Felicity and Seporah were both ok, I was pretty shocked and still scared out of my freakin’ mind. But it’s been 5 days and everyone’s cool (I actually couldn’t tell anyone because I’ve been so racked with massive amounts of guilt). Thankfully by chance the bottle was 3/4ths empty and not a brand new bottle that I left down. If it was somebody was going to lose their liver or their life (and nope I’m not being even remotely melodramatic, that’s just the truth, tylenol in large doses is NOT good).

I deserve the Best Mom Award ever, don’tcha think?

Oh and Poison Control is programed into my cell phone. I’m so worried they’re going to end up knowing us on a first name basis, we’ve probably called them 30 times. Our kids are constantly drinking things they shouldn’t. Adult benadryl being the only one we were told to go to the emergency room for (which Seporah called candy and was down at her level when we remodeled the house a year or so ago). But really, sunscreen, mouthwash, perfume, desitin, and a few others I can’t think of right now. All medications are up high now though (well usually, when I’m not stoned).

January 13, 2010   Posted in: Märia's Moments